10 Truths about Joe

I thought it would be fun and insightful to offer you 10 truths about me in relation to the top 10 things guys lie about in prison…

You will also see that in some cases I am not above the process.

Yes, I too, have told a few lies along my incarcerated journey. But sometimes, you really have to in order to survive.

So here they are for you’re incite and enjoyment…

“10 truths about Joe” ran through in exactly the same order as the top 10 list just posted.

  1. Being gay was number 10 on the top 10 things guys lie about in prison and how there are a lot of closet homosexuals in prison.

Well, the whole being gay thing doesn’t really apply to me at all. Never have I, nor anyone else for that matter, ever questioned my sexuality.

So I will simply state for the record my views on homosexuality…

I have no view on it.

I’m not for it, nor against it.

I feel people should be left alone to live their life the way they choose to.

If that is your thing, great!

If not, great too.

I’ll say this though.

I appreciate gayness…

Because it makes for some pretty humorous stories, from time to time!

  1. Being a tough guy.

Yes, unfortunately this is one of the things I have lied about from time to time throughout my incarceration.

In all actuality I’m not much of a tough guy at all. Though I do try to put on this image that I can whoop anybody, take for example a story I just recently posted “The mural painter versus the floor guy.” How that situation could have ended with the floor guy beating my ass all over his shiny floor that I had ruined.

Didn’t read that story…

Well check it out.

I know in my heart that I am not a tough guy. But I am not afraid of getting my ass kicked either. Though in some regards that makes me sort of a tough guy right?

In prison, you have to put on this image of toughness no matter what. Even if at heart you are really built softer then a box of Kleenex.

Weakness is taken advantage of in here…

So even if you do lie about being a tough guy, this should be one instance where this should at least be justifiable.

  1. What I am locked up for is also something I have lied about pretty much through my entire incarceration. But not in the sense you might think. Nor in the way I spoke of in the original post where other guys might lie in an effort to boost up their charges.

For example, a guy with a possession of crack cocaine charge might lie and say “oh I was selling drugs not using them”

In my case, it is the exact opposite.

I have actually tried to downplay my charges saying that addiction was my real problem and what I am locked up for but in all actuality my charges for why I am in prison are as followed…

Possession with intent to sell cocaine.

Possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.

Possession of a firearm while in possession of cocaine with intent to sell by a convicted felon.

Conspiracy to sell cocaine.

Reckless driving.

Driving without a license fourth offense.

And resisting arrest.

Jesus…My charges alone makes me seem like I am el chopo gusto.

Ever wonder why I need Joewriteshiswrongs to succeed so bad?

Because who the hell is going to hire me with a record like me. Not unless I lie that is.

  1. On the original top 10 list, #7 was about snitching and whether or not guys did do that, or who are still doing that in prison.

Well, as for me…

That is something I have NEVER done.

Hell, I can remember all the way back to the night I was arrested being interrogated. Cops said, “Just get us some more coke and you will be done…”

“You might do 18 months.”

You want to know what I did when they said that?

I began crying.


Why? Because I knew I would never cooperate with the police.

Nor ever be a snitch or a rat.

And because of that, I felt like my life was over.

Like I might get 100 years or some shit.

But owning up to the charges and taking full responsibility for everything plus getting my GED before I was even sentenced really insured that I would get one last crack at life.

  1. Material things are something guys in prison love to lie about.

All the stuff they supposedly had out there in the world.

Yet in here, they are living just as bad as the poorest prisoners.

You wanna know what I had out there…?

Not much of anything.

From age 18 until now (32 years old) I had two different places of my own.

A trailer I was renting to own at 18 that I lost within 3 months and plus an apartment at 25 that I lost in less than 21 days (crazy story for another time).

I have also had 3 crap vehicles that I bought and drove legally.

To really give you an idea of how much I haven’t had out there…

Back in 2008 I came home from my first prison sentence of 18 months and lasted only 10 months before all of this happen. But during that time do you want to know what my most prize possession was…

An old 36 inch box TV. that I bought from my brother for $150.00.

I loved that damn TV.

  1. Women was #5 and guys in prison love to lie about them in every form or fashion.

Me on the other hand, I don’t ever have to lie about women. Now before this gets to sounding all “cocky” like I will go ahead and nip that by simply stating that getting women hasn’t been much of an issue in my life.

Mainly, my problem has always been that the women I find are always the WORST women who are truly horrible, evil people who absolute drag me through the mud in absolutely every possible way.

I actually have so many stories of so many many many horrible chicks doing so much horrible shit to me, that “horrible chicks doing horrible shit” should actually be its own category on Joewriteshiswrongs.

Check out “The story of crazy chick” and “ An email confession after 12years” for a further look at some of the horrible women who have been in my life.

On the flip side to all of that, I did meet Jen and she is my everything.

  1. How much money I have is I think the most embarrassing thing ever!

Honestly, the most money I have ever had at one time is something less than $2000.00.


That sounds pitiful.

But that is the truth and this is all about truth here.

Still, you don’t know how bad I really wanted to lie right there and say something like “Oh, I’ve held five or ten thousand before.

But lie I can-not.

  1. Being a big time drug dealer was #3 on the “Top 10 things guys lie about in prison” and something guys in here really love to do.

Everyone wants to sound like Billy badass in here.

Unfortunately, yes….

I was a drug dealer and by what I just revealed obviously not a really good one, right?

But that’s something I’m not proud of nor do I try to glorify.

The whole being a drug dealer thing I mean! Not the money part!

One thing I have learned is that there is no honor among thieves.

Probably something like 80% of the guys in prison are snitches and compulsive liars.

The real lesson in all of this is that none of this is cool or “where it’s at.”

  1. Jobs held and qualifications isn’t something I have ever lied about…

In prison that is… I have lied to a few different women about what kind of work I did when they asked me what I did for a living.

I told this one chick I was a certified diesel mechanic and I worked on big boats when really I was just a laborer in a boat yard.

All my life and throughout the many trades I have worked in, I have always been a laborer.

A peon.

In prison and in life now I have no problem admitting that.

I’ve got minimal job experience and a variety of job occupations and an expensive criminal record.

Plus when you work as a laborer busting your ass for $9.00 an hour it’s hard to see any real future in that or room for advancement because you can barely survive on what you bring home. The criminal element is always knocking on the door, Like “Hey come back to the dark side…”

“Let’s go make some easy money…

“Fuck that dead end job.”

 Try to be a realist in all facets of life and my work history is about as real as it gets.

  1. The number one thing on the original list that guys lie about most in prison is whether or not they were drug addicts.

For some reason that is something nobody wants to admit.

Well, here is the truth about me…

All my life I have been an addict.

Cocaine and pills have always been my two constant battles.

But the funny thing is back in 2008, before I got locked up I really was selling cocaine.

Not using it.

Now for someone with a cocaine addiction it might not make a lot of sense because wouldn’t I be subject to doing all the drugs and not selling them…


But the reason I didn’t was because the cocaine I was getting at the time was trash.

Cut up and diluted into such a weakened version of the drug to a guy with such a high tolerance level it did nothing for.

The funny thing is that everyone I sold to thought the stuff was awesome.

I’ve got no problem admitting that I have had many battles with addiction…

I’ve even been in quite a few low places in life because of those addictions.

But for once in my life when I was arrested in 2008, addiction had little to do with the circumstances.

I was selling drugs, not really using them, because I couldn’t find a good job to support myself with.

I wasn’t a big time drug dealer.

I’ve never seen any large amounts of money.

I’ve always had women in my life. That has never really been an issue for me.

Probably because I look good…

Or probably because I always lie to them about the kind of work I do.

I’ve never had shit material-wise.

My most prized possession in 2008 was a TV for God sake.

I’ve never snitched.

I’ve only lied a little about what I am locked up for to lessen the defining blow of what all my charges make me sound like.

I’m not a tough guy and I’m not gay.

And now you know…

And that my friends are “10 things about Joe”.


Top 10 things guys lie about in prison continues…

  1. Women… Here is another thing guys in prison love to lie about. Women… like how many they have had. Or how “bad” they were.

“Yeah, man. I only mess with model types”. A guy might say.

Then you see them in visitation with a model type alright…

A model from Good Year blimps.

Lots of guys in prison like to believe they are God’s gift to women.

Like they are a bunch of Don Juan’s…

And anytime they talk to any female staff and get any sort of reciprocation from that…

Something as simple as saying hello to a female staff member and she says hello back…

Well, to these “Playa Playa” types that to them, is a sure sign that she wants to have sex with them.

Then the next lie these guys might come up with is some super porno type fantasy where they got a little action form this chick.

  1. How much money they had… Some of these categories in this top 10 list like “women” and “money” can be compared to that old math formula guys use to use when trying to figure out how many guys a chick might have slept with…

No matter how many guys she said she slept with…

You would times that by 3 to get the real number.

Well it is sort of the same principal here. Only, a little different.

For example, if a guy in prison said he had all these women out there in the world, tons of them even, and then you see that while in prison he has none, then you would take the number of women he said he had, and times that by “0” and you would not only get the number of women he had out there in the world, you will get where this guy measured up in life also.

With money, it’s the same thing.

Guys will always say they had all this money out there. Yet while in prison, you see them with nothing.

So in instance like that, you again take however much money they say they had, then add to that whatever they say is probably just a bunch of lies, and your left then with a roundabout idea of what they really had out there…

Nothing. Just like me and a lot of other guys here in prison.

  1. Being a big time drug dealer… This is a big one guys in prison love to lie about. Everybody in here is not only a drug dealer they also had King Pin status out there…

They love to say they were the boss or that they were out there running shit.

I would always wonder about these guys who would say they were the boss out there. Especially when you always see them following behind the next man trying to impress him.

  1. Jobs held and qualification… You would not believe how many guys in prison will lie and tell you they owned their own companies doing any and every kind of work imaginable.

I have never met more master electricians, welders, carpenters, and astronauts in my entire life.

So it is always a good idea to err on the side of caution when a guy in prison starts running down his list of qualifications to you.

A guy might tell you he had his own roofing company when really he was nothing more than a laborer for someone else.

Or a guy might tell you he is this amazing electrician but then you see that he can’t even fix a pair of headphones.

  1. Whether or not they are a drug addict… This is the number one thing in prison most guys will certainly lie about. Not many here are willing to admit they were full blown junkies on the land doing any and everything to support their habits.

The number one thing you will hear these types of guys say is “I ain’t do no drugs…I sold drugs! But I ain’t do no drugs.”

And the types of guys you will see saying this the most..

Guys who look like they use to eat crack cocaine out of cereal bowl for the last 20 years of their life.

Yeah, sure buddy…

You ain’t do no drugs.

And that’s it.

That’s the end of the top 10 things guys in prison lie about.

I’m not sure why guys in prison choose to lie so much. Whether it be just to impress the next man or whether it be that lying is just something they have done their entire lives.

One thing is certain; there sure aren’t a lot of “truths” here behind the razor wire fences.

Fortunately for you, though. Truths are a huge part of what you will find here in Joewriteshiswrongs.

Especially in terms of what it is really like behind these razor wire fences.

Next I will post 10 quick “truths about Joe” in relation to this top 10 list.

Top 10 things guys lie about in prison

What follows are numbers 10-6 on the Top 10 things guys lie about in prison.

  1. Being gay… It might sound like it’s meant to be funny. But you would not believe how many guys in prison are what we in the system like to refer to as “under covers”.

Guys who turn “gay” when the moment arises…

I guess that is the best way to put it.

Or maybe the worst way to put it when you think about the word “arises”

These types of guys act like they are totally not gay. Maybe even like they are the furthest thing from it. But then all of a sudden when a “super feminized” prisoner dude gets transferred to the compound, those who are the under covers come out of the closet and the wood work complete.

Then the word “wood work” takes on a whole new meaning.

  1. Being a tough guy… there are a lot of tough guys in the system but then again a lot of guys in the system just act like their tough guys.

It’s these wannabe tough guys who walk around with their chest poked out looking like they are ready for any fight.

Time and time again it seems the same thing always seems to happen to theses tough guy actors…

They get beat up something terrible by a much smaller, much more scared type of prisoner.

  1. What you are locked up for… Guys in prison are always lying about what they are locked up for.

Nobody ever wants to admit they stole a bunch of shit from Walmart. So instead they might tell other prisoners that they killed a guy. This goes with the whole falling in line of the tough roll act. Guys in prison always want to sound bigger and badder then what they really are. So it is easier to see why they might lie for what they are locked up for.

Especially if it is something stupid.

Or something embarrassing like getting pulled over for drunk driving…

Drunk driving a scooter…

Only to have the cops find out you’re a wanted fugitive.

Also, sex offender lie too, because the worst day of their life is when they are found out to be what they really are.

  1. Whether or not they snitch…No snitch will ever admit their a snitch. Especially not in prison. But the fact of the matter that plenty of guys in prison are snitches.

Whether they told on someone at trial or interrogation of an agreement for some sort of time cut or whether they are in the system telling on the tattoo man in exchange for extra trays at chow time, the point is they are telling on stuff they have no business telling on for their own benefit.

These guys are snakes at best. They do all they can to try and not ever be exposed for what they are.

And just like ex offenders…

Their worst day is when they are found out to be what they really are.

Unless they are in a jail like the one I was at during the start of my incarceration…

A place unlike any I had ever seen before where snitching was actually tolerated because everyone there was doing it…


For more on that check out “Jail House Snitches”.

  1. The material things… Guys love to lie about the material stuff.

Like cars, clothes, houses…

A guy might say “I use to have a Cadillac escalade with 30in rims, you know nothing too fancy.”

Usually when I hear guys talking like this, I respond with something like “well…I had a space shuttle out there.” If you don’t have pictures to prove anything why even bother.

A guy in prison will sell you a dream in a heartbeat. So it is always best to take most of what guys in prison talk about with a grain of salt.

Especially in reference to anything they might have had in life.

So that’s numbers 10-6 on the top 10 list of what guys in prison lie about.

What do you think numbers 5-1 are?

What do you think the number 1 thing in prison guys like to lie about is?

Got any ideas of what you think it might be?

Comment and let me know…

And check back later for  when I will post number 5-1.