I’m in prison. So you got to imagine I know a thing or two about dealing with stress. Especially while in a stressful environment.
It gets no more stressful then being in prison…
These tips that I offer are far from unilateral. They can be used by anyone in any sort of stressful environment.
Or at the office.
Or in prison…
You know if you are anything like me and you ever find yourself there.
What’s also good about receiving stressful advice from a prisoner is where I am at, I have limited resources…
That means that anything I suggest you try or use should certainly be in your means to use.
So I certainly won’t be suggesting you use a day spent at a luxurious spa being waited on hand and foot…
Or somewhere you are getting massages…
By the way…
If you are ever in prison, you should never be getting massages!
Here are 10 tips on stress from a prisoner who as he writes this is surrounded by a jungle gym of chaos!
10. Laugh at stress… Sometimes we get so stressed out that all we can do is laugh at what is stressing us out.
For example…Right now as I write these 10 tips on stress from a guy in prison…
I’m stressed out to the max because of this new counselor who is now in charge of my housing unit…
She looks like some homeless rhino bum…and she has an attitude that is on level “10”.
Add to all of that that she keeps on nit picking on me and this leads to a recipe for a “stress cuisine”.
So how do I conquer that…?
Well, one way is just to laugh at the stupidity of it all, and maybe even laugh a little sinister like too, because I know this woman will end up being a story I tell on JWHW with a cartoon to boot. HAHAHAHHAHA
Sometimes when you are stressed whether in prison or the real world just laugh at that stress.
Then maybe, hopefully, you will realize, as I often do, that whatever it is stressing you out, like a little councilor bitch who resembles quit favorly a dweller of the underground subway tunnels- just isn’t that damn serious to be stressing about.
9. Make a phone call… In prison not everyone is fortunate enough to make a phone call to someone who cares when they are stressed out.
Fortunately I am.
But I can remember a time when I wasn’t able to do so.
Well, because I was considered scum of the earth.
I guess now I’m not, right?
The point is that YOU on the other hand are more than likely NOT considered prisoner scum forgotten at times by the earth!
You’re out there in the world and I am quite sure have someone if not a couple of someone’s who you can call when you need to talk or possibly vent to as well.
“Venting” is a great way to relieve stress and that can easily be done by simply making a phone call to a loved one or a friend and simply saying “hey, let me tell you about this.”
8. Read a hilarious story… I was going to add to that (or check out a funny video)… But being as I am in prison I can’t check out the latest viral sensation on Youtube… But you can.
So maybe I should add that.
Reading a hilarious story is a great way to change the subject in your mind (to sort of say).
Especially with stress seems to be the main topic on it!
And hey, you know what…?
I know a great place to read a hilarious story!
Did you say “tell me you’re not about to plug no blog here”?
Well of course I am!
Check out JoeWritesHIsWrongs and The craziest piss test ever!
What a great story about a hilarious yet super stressful time in prison that is certainly able to lighten the mood and it also helps with whatever is stressing you.
Or, if you are one of the many people who might think my content SUCKS and is retched trash then check out a blog or Youtube channel that you do like and has content that you do like.
And hey, I’m not offended if you don’t like my content..
You don’t think I am funny, huh?
The point is, reading a hilarious story or even watching a funny video works wonders with your stress.
7.Write a letter…So, writing a letter is another great way to like preverbal beat stress in the head with a bat…
The probable is, who in the hell writes letters still these days.
Actually, does anyone write ANYTHING these days…?
I’m asking for real…
I mean, because I have been in prison for 6+ years and I really don’t know.
Does anyone write anything with a pen and paper these days..?
Or is everything done on the phone or a tablet?
I think the only people still writing letters these days are the likes of us prisoners still stuck in the prehistoric Stone Age.
But the point is…
Writing a letter to someone (even to yourself) is a great way to get whatever is stressing you out- on the paper.
And hey, you don’t even have to pick up that pen that must weight a ton these days to do so.
You can type up an email, text, inbox or anything! Getting all those frustrations out on paper-will more than likely the screen.
And hey, you don’t even have to send it to anyone if you don’t want to.
But then again…
If you don’t want to send it, then don’t accidentally hit “send”!
Like say for example you type a nasty little email ABOUT YOUR BOSS expressing how far he or she might have their head shoved up their ass, more than likely wouldn’t be a good idea.
But venting in such a way is GREAT in fighting against stress!
6. Doodle something…What the hell!? You’re probably thinking….
You don’t draw, right?
But who cares what your artistic skills are like..
Art is super relaxing!
Say you are at work or on the phone dealing with a horrendous customer who won’t shut up about whatever the hell it is they are complaining about…
And you’re almost on the verge of losing it…
Take a little scrap paper and a pen or pencil and turn your frustrations into a little illustration. Expressing on that paper exactly how you feel.
Make a little stickman cartoon…
Maybe one of you on the phone dealing with this asshole customer and something you REALLY want to say in response.
Or how you wish you could handle whatever frustrating stressful issue you are dealing with at the moment.
Doodling can be a fun and relaxing way to express and release your stress!
5.Captain Phillip your stress…I am the captain now… Captain Phillips is a term we made up here in prison…
Nobody in the world is using this term…
So if ever your friends or co-workers ask you how you handle something…
Just say “Like Captain Phillips- I took command of the situation.”
Then follow it up with an eye to eye finger pointing for added emphasis then say “Look at me! Look at me! I am dee cap-tin-now!”
Saying that you Captain Phillips’d a situation is a sure way to let people know you took command and control of the situation.
Do you want to know what another good thing to Captain Phillips is…?
Wow, you’re smart!
I would have personally never guessed stress…
But you did! So congrats!
And yes, stress is something we can all Captain Phillips…
Stress is something we can all take command of…
Well, by just doing so of course!
By simply having a one on one convo with ourselves and saying “Hey, look…this is only as bad as I allow it to be.”
We can choose to allow something such as stress and whatever is stressing us to take us over completely or we cannot allow that to happen.
I am a firm believer that things are only as good or bad as we allow them to be or at least we are in control of ourselves and how we choose to feel.
And just in terms, I think a lot of us, myself heavily included, forget this.
In prison, as in the real world, you have to Captain Phillips everything the best way you can.
Every situation and every day the best way that you can.
Because in a lot of situations you are not in command or in control.
But there is always that one thing that you can Captain Phillips as long as you remember to do so…
And that is yourself…
With enough willpower we can always be in command and control of that.
4.Turn stress into progress… This is a great way to beat stress.
Being able to take that negative energy and turning it into something good.
What a feeling of accomplishment you will be filled with afterwards too…
Being able to channel that stress and use it as a fuel to get something done.
But not everyone is able to do this…
Because it takes an immense amount of focus.
So this isn’t a solve all for everyone.
But for those who are able to, this is a great thing to have the ability to use.
For me, personally…
I “sometimes” use this one.
As in sometimes I can…
But then, sometimes I can’t…
Prison… add the truth of the real world…
Doesn’t always provide the same level of stress all the time.
Sometimes the stress level is at “10”.
Sometimes it’s at “4”.
Or sometimes it’s at “12”…
It’s all just a matter of the moment.
Its either going to work or it isn’t but it’s always worth putting in some effort of trying.
And hey, if it doesn’t work…
Don’t feel bad…
There is always number three.
3. Masturbate…Hey, these are tips on stress from a guy in prison… So it should be no surprise that this made the list or that is ranked so high even!
But upon giving further thought to masturbating…
You know if more people did this more often then maybe the world would be a heck of a lot LESS stressful!
In prison when you are stressed out masturbating is a great way to relieve that tension.
Maybe more people should consider that in the real world too.
Stressed at the office…
Boss giving you are heard time…
Well slide on over to the restroom and squeeze one out…
I promise you will feel great afterwards.
Singular hand sex is something people probably don’t give enough credit to as a great tool in stress.
Then again, maybe they do, they just don’t want to admit it.
Hey guess what?
I’m stressed out all the time in prison!
2. Music… no matter where you are or what kind of stress you are dealing with at the moment whether you are at home, in the car, or at work, music is always a great way to block out whatever stress you are dealing with.
But what if you are in an environment where you can’t just turn on the music and vibe out!
Well, you could always sing or rap to yourself..
Well, if you never tried it don’t knock it until you do.
Singing to yourself is a great way to take your mind off of whatever is stressing you out at the moment.
If you want to take it a little further you can sing or rap about whatever it is that has you stressed.
Take for example “me” when I am trying to sleep and Kenny is sitting right behind me carrying on a conversation with someone about something stupid.
I might rap to myself…
“Kenny please shut up can’t you see I’m sleeping/ I got to work up in the am/ You get to sleep and stay in…”
Now, I know this sounds crazy but you have no idea how therapeutic this can be to combat stress.
Just be careful you might actually find that you like this so much that you start making up little songs about EVERYTHING.
1. Exercise… In my own personal experience exercise, is probably the best way you can fight stress.
Though, I can’t really believe I am saying this is #1 and NOT masturbating!
But, exercising really does trump everything else.
What’s great about exercise is you can pretty much do it anywhere…
Anyway you want to with virtually anything you have available to you at the moment.
Within reason of course.
I mean, I certainly don’t recommend that you bust out 10 quick sets of squats in the grocery store if you find yourself stressed to the max there, or in the middle of a meeting at the office.
But exercise is a great thing to do after that
Was it grocery shopping that stressed you are, or a meeting at work?
Well, exercise can surely alleviate all the stress you feel because of that.
Keep this in mind too…
The harder you work the better you feel.
The more you put into working out the more you get from it.
In prison, you are not always guarantee to be at a place that has a weight set like you see in the movies.
In fact, a lot of prisons don’t even have weight sets at all.
It’s because of this that prisoners come up with all sorts of workout techniques with all sorts of stuff to use as equipment.
From curling or lifting chairs to sandbags or water buckets…
Or tying a sheet of some sorts to something to pull them self up with.
Though I don’t really recommend tying a rope around anything…
Someone might see you doing this and get the wrong idea of how you plan to handle your stress…
Exercise is the best way to feel better when you are at your wits end.
So do it.
Don’t make excuses. Just go do it.
And last a tip from my homeboy “Bird”. So I asked a lot of prisoners input when it came to this post.
But no one was more helpful then my homeboy Bird who helped me come up with a lot of these tips as well.
I feel this wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t add what he finally said after about the fifth time of me asking him “ok…But what would you do if you were stressed out and THAT didn’t work?”
It was then that he said what so many prisoners turn to and say quickly before anything else…
I guess in some circumstanced fisticuff is what it has to be…especially in prison!
So for those of you who aren’t in such a barbaric world as this…
I don’t really recommend this prison favorite.