You won’t regret reading this…!

You know, before I started working as a banquet server, I only had one thought that came to mind anytime I ever thought about banquet serving…

  

It’s a scene from a movie called “Fight Club…”

Where Brad Pitt is peeing in the cream of mushroom soup…

 Pretty graphic right..?

Well, it’s turns out banquet serving is nothing like that at all..!

Yeah, I know right..!

Shocking…

Actually, banquet serving is pretty damn awesome..!

I enjoy it a lot to tell you the truth..!

Last night was the third banquet I got the opportunity to work and it was pretty damn spectacular..!

This one was a Christmas party for a major local company that has worldwide dominance and they spared no expense to throw their employees one hell of a shin-dig.. 

This party was AWESOME..!

And one thing that’s great about working events like this one is that the time just flies while your doing so..!

I mean, your at a party for crying out loud..!

So it’s not even really like work at all..!

Plus I always try to do my best to look as good as I can because like the saying goes…

“Look good…”

“Feel good…”

  
And plus you never know who you could meet at one of these events…

I always tell people that I’m looking for that “big fish…”

Just one…

Someone who could believe in my vision for my webseries project “After Prison” and really help me get this thing off the ground.

And you know, maybe I meet that such individual at one of these banquets…

I mean, I certainly get quite a bit of face time with some of the guests in attendance…

Ummmm…

This may come as a shock to some of you…

It certainly was one to me.

 But evidently, I am “gooder looking than a motherfucker…”

As one guest told me last night…

Yep that’s right…

I was serving and doing my job and minding my own business when this chick said to me, ” excuse me…”

So when I went to see what she needed…

She said that I am- ladies and gentlemen… “gooder looking than a mother fucker…”

Wow.

And folks she wasn’t the only one…

Later, I couldn’t help but notice I was getting “eye assaulted” by another chick…

Mine you also that both said guest were quite attractive…

So all of this was quite flattering…

This second chick must have been tracking me like a cheetah tracks its prey because before long we “ran into each other” almost quite literally…

“Hey,” she said. “Can I asked you a question..?

“Sure.” I responded.

“Are you single..?” She asked me…

“Oh, no…”  I said.

 “I’m sorry. I’m not…”

“Why do you ask..?” I continued seeing how star struck she was to talk to the closest resemblance of David Beckham she’d ever find…

  
I could see in her eyes that’s it was going to tough letting down this little lady.

I had to try my best I told myself.

“Oh, it’s ok…” She said.

“I’m not asking for myself. I’m asking for my friend…”

What..? I thought.

Had I read this situation all wrong from the start..?

Well,then…

Where was this other lucky lady that I would have to do my best to let down easy…?

Then out of nowhere the lion attacked…

A VERY homosexual man walked by right at that moment and said, “gurrrl get me THAT numba…!”
  
Holy shit..!
Here this whole time I’m keeping an eye on this cheetah that I think is hunting me and really I had no idea there was a lion in the bushes the entire time…

A.

Big.

Gay.

Lion….

Oh my god… This was embarrassing..!

“What..!?” I exclaimed…!

“It’s not you secretly beside yourself because of how good I look..?” I said something similar too.

“Oh,no…!” She stammered.

“What..?” She said.

“YOU…!?” 

I was dirt on the floor at this point.

Quickly I ejected as my “confidence and ego” Boeing 757 plummeted in a fireball into a deep murky sea.

And to add to all this quite a few of those that I worked with witnessed all this, as well.

A blind man could see what went down during this encounter without even knowing.

Because of that, quite a few individuals poked fun at me for the remainder of the evening probably just as the gay dudes hoped he would have the opportunity to do…

Sorry.

Ew.

The POINT to all this is that you just never know WHAT kind of interaction your going to get…

Or, WHO you’re going to get a chance to interact with at one of these banquets….

And because of that I’m grateful to be able to work as a server at them….

And I really need to get some business cards made up…

“After Prison…”

A webseries in production…

Please donate…

Please support…

Yeah, something like that…

Because you never know who you could meet….

And who knows…

Maybe the gay guy was my big fish.

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12 thoughts on “You won’t regret reading this…!

  1. Joe, you are a close-to-great writer! (Like, it seems, everyone in your generation, you don’t know the difference between your and you’re.Whoever failed to review your HS papers before grading you should be dismissed — and not just for lunch!) Such things aside, I love your writing. I never ‘waited’ banquets, but I did a lot of time as a waiter in restaurants. And that pissing-in-the-soup thing is NOT a joke: I’ve seen it happen — and I quit working there. The management wouldn’t fire that cook — FAR from being a ‘chef’ — because he was the only person they cold find who’d come in very early to do prep and set-up work. By opening time, he was four sheets to the wind, particularly on Sundays.

    Liked by 1 person

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