A character caricatured…The one and only CoffeeMan

There is a man in here that sleep in the bunk next to mine who everyone calls “CoffeeMan”.

He got this name because he has one of the worst addictive mentalities I have ever seen.

All he does is sleep for days at a time, literally…

And drink coffee when he is not asleep.

He does all sorts of shit, to get a cup of coffee too.

Nothing sexual though, if maybe your mind was running a little.

Though I’m sure that would not be out of the question if he couldn’t get a cup of coffee any other way.

Coffeeman will wash dishes, sell certain meals in the chow hall, even write your girlfriend a letter for you if you don’t feel like doing so yourself.

All for a cup of coffee.

In the past two weeks, I’ve seen him slip even further into a state of unconcern from anything besides sleep and coffee.

It’s sad really.

Even more sad when you think about how this guy goes home in less than 3 months!

In the last few weeks he has quit his job where he was working at in the kitchen and dropped out of school where he was working towards his GED.

Oh by the way, Coffeeman is like 40 something years old…

He will contribute nothing of value to the free world.

Unless possibly you need something stolen from Wal-Mart that is.

Oh, he would be the perfect guy for the job. If you need someone to walk into Wal-mart load up a grocery cart and walk out the front door with it if you need it. Coffeeman is the guy if you need someone like that.

And he will do it all for oh I don’t know maybe a couple bags of coffee…

A little crack cocaine.

Coffeeman is the very definition of a “loser” in life.

It’s unfortunate really, but there is not much you can do to help the unwilling.

Those who aren’t willing to try and help themselves…

I have personally tried to help this guy in whatever way I can. But it is impossible to try and save a sinking ship.

I’ll end with this…

Coffeeman has a buddy named “Serial Killer” you remember him right?

Well, one day before Coffeeman had completely quit school and life as it would seem, Serial Killer tried to wake him up.

“Come on”, he said. “Get up!”

“Aren’t you going to go to school?” Serial Killer asked.

Coffeeman just tossed and turned under his morbid sheets and grunted.

“Tell him Coffeeman”. I interjected.

“Tell him”.

“Fuck School”!

“Who needs a GED when all you are going to do is go home and smoke crack”! I concluded.



2 thoughts on “A character caricatured…The one and only CoffeeMan

  1. Hey, Joe

    I never was in prison, knew anyone who was, or even saw the outside of a prison that I recognized before 2015. And I’ve been around a while.

    My boyfriend (i’m one of those) is in right now. He violated parole. So I’m finding out what I can about it all.

    CoffeeMan – I almost thought you knew my guy. But that would have been a couple years ago. He’s 31 and was 29 then, never would be estimated at 40. But it’s a caricature and only you saying 40 said it’s not him. The coffee thing is exactly him.

    I think what you were seeing with CoffeeMan was a meth addict. My guy, Josh, is one. When he’s inside, he gets the best of jobs immediately. Out here he gets instant offers…then fails the drug test.

    He has what it takes in every way but he can’t handle drugs.

    You’re doing a good thing here.



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