With this being the weekend of the Super Bowl and the fact that my New England Patriots will face off against a tough Seattle Seahawks team tomorrow and the fact that I pretty much bet the HOUSE on this game- I won’t be posting anything until Monday.

Or possible even later then that if my Patriots lose tomorrow.

But no…

I’m confident in my team and my hope is that we do what we must tomorrow and win.

PLEASE TOM BRADY!

PLEASE…!

Do tomorrow what I believe you can do and beat these Seahawks!

I hope all of you enjoy your weekend and the Super Bowl as well.

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Top 10 things guys lie about in prison continues…

  1. Women… Here is another thing guys in prison love to lie about. Women… like how many they have had. Or how “bad” they were.

“Yeah, man. I only mess with model types”. A guy might say.

Then you see them in visitation with a model type alright…

A model from Good Year blimps.

Lots of guys in prison like to believe they are God’s gift to women.

Like they are a bunch of Don Juan’s…

And anytime they talk to any female staff and get any sort of reciprocation from that…

Something as simple as saying hello to a female staff member and she says hello back…

Well, to these “Playa Playa” types that to them, is a sure sign that she wants to have sex with them.

Then the next lie these guys might come up with is some super porno type fantasy where they got a little action form this chick.

  1. How much money they had… Some of these categories in this top 10 list like “women” and “money” can be compared to that old math formula guys use to use when trying to figure out how many guys a chick might have slept with…

No matter how many guys she said she slept with…

You would times that by 3 to get the real number.

Well it is sort of the same principal here. Only, a little different.

For example, if a guy in prison said he had all these women out there in the world, tons of them even, and then you see that while in prison he has none, then you would take the number of women he said he had, and times that by “0” and you would not only get the number of women he had out there in the world, you will get where this guy measured up in life also.

With money, it’s the same thing.

Guys will always say they had all this money out there. Yet while in prison, you see them with nothing.

So in instance like that, you again take however much money they say they had, then add to that whatever they say is probably just a bunch of lies, and your left then with a roundabout idea of what they really had out there…

Nothing. Just like me and a lot of other guys here in prison.

  1. Being a big time drug dealer… This is a big one guys in prison love to lie about. Everybody in here is not only a drug dealer they also had King Pin status out there…

They love to say they were the boss or that they were out there running shit.

I would always wonder about these guys who would say they were the boss out there. Especially when you always see them following behind the next man trying to impress him.

  1. Jobs held and qualification… You would not believe how many guys in prison will lie and tell you they owned their own companies doing any and every kind of work imaginable.

I have never met more master electricians, welders, carpenters, and astronauts in my entire life.

So it is always a good idea to err on the side of caution when a guy in prison starts running down his list of qualifications to you.

A guy might tell you he had his own roofing company when really he was nothing more than a laborer for someone else.

Or a guy might tell you he is this amazing electrician but then you see that he can’t even fix a pair of headphones.

  1. Whether or not they are a drug addict… This is the number one thing in prison most guys will certainly lie about. Not many here are willing to admit they were full blown junkies on the land doing any and everything to support their habits.

The number one thing you will hear these types of guys say is “I ain’t do no drugs…I sold drugs! But I ain’t do no drugs.”

And the types of guys you will see saying this the most..

Guys who look like they use to eat crack cocaine out of cereal bowl for the last 20 years of their life.

Yeah, sure buddy…

You ain’t do no drugs.

And that’s it.

That’s the end of the top 10 things guys in prison lie about.

I’m not sure why guys in prison choose to lie so much. Whether it be just to impress the next man or whether it be that lying is just something they have done their entire lives.

One thing is certain; there sure aren’t a lot of “truths” here behind the razor wire fences.

Fortunately for you, though. Truths are a huge part of what you will find here in Joewriteshiswrongs.

Especially in terms of what it is really like behind these razor wire fences.

Next I will post 10 quick “truths about Joe” in relation to this top 10 list.

Top 10 things guys lie about in prison

What follows are numbers 10-6 on the Top 10 things guys lie about in prison.

  1. Being gay… It might sound like it’s meant to be funny. But you would not believe how many guys in prison are what we in the system like to refer to as “under covers”.

Guys who turn “gay” when the moment arises…

I guess that is the best way to put it.

Or maybe the worst way to put it when you think about the word “arises”

These types of guys act like they are totally not gay. Maybe even like they are the furthest thing from it. But then all of a sudden when a “super feminized” prisoner dude gets transferred to the compound, those who are the under covers come out of the closet and the wood work complete.

Then the word “wood work” takes on a whole new meaning.

  1. Being a tough guy… there are a lot of tough guys in the system but then again a lot of guys in the system just act like their tough guys.

It’s these wannabe tough guys who walk around with their chest poked out looking like they are ready for any fight.

Time and time again it seems the same thing always seems to happen to theses tough guy actors…

They get beat up something terrible by a much smaller, much more scared type of prisoner.

  1. What you are locked up for… Guys in prison are always lying about what they are locked up for.

Nobody ever wants to admit they stole a bunch of shit from Walmart. So instead they might tell other prisoners that they killed a guy. This goes with the whole falling in line of the tough roll act. Guys in prison always want to sound bigger and badder then what they really are. So it is easier to see why they might lie for what they are locked up for.

Especially if it is something stupid.

Or something embarrassing like getting pulled over for drunk driving…

Drunk driving a scooter…

Only to have the cops find out you’re a wanted fugitive.

Also, sex offender lie too, because the worst day of their life is when they are found out to be what they really are.

  1. Whether or not they snitch…No snitch will ever admit their a snitch. Especially not in prison. But the fact of the matter that plenty of guys in prison are snitches.

Whether they told on someone at trial or interrogation of an agreement for some sort of time cut or whether they are in the system telling on the tattoo man in exchange for extra trays at chow time, the point is they are telling on stuff they have no business telling on for their own benefit.

These guys are snakes at best. They do all they can to try and not ever be exposed for what they are.

And just like ex offenders…

Their worst day is when they are found out to be what they really are.

Unless they are in a jail like the one I was at during the start of my incarceration…

A place unlike any I had ever seen before where snitching was actually tolerated because everyone there was doing it…

Unbelievable.

For more on that check out “Jail House Snitches”.

  1. The material things… Guys love to lie about the material stuff.

Like cars, clothes, houses…

A guy might say “I use to have a Cadillac escalade with 30in rims, you know nothing too fancy.”

Usually when I hear guys talking like this, I respond with something like “well…I had a space shuttle out there.” If you don’t have pictures to prove anything why even bother.

A guy in prison will sell you a dream in a heartbeat. So it is always best to take most of what guys in prison talk about with a grain of salt.

Especially in reference to anything they might have had in life.

So that’s numbers 10-6 on the top 10 list of what guys in prison lie about.

What do you think numbers 5-1 are?

What do you think the number 1 thing in prison guys like to lie about is?

Got any ideas of what you think it might be?

Comment and let me know…

And check back later for  when I will post number 5-1.

The lies these prisoners told me…

One thing you realize pretty quickly when you get to prison is that the guys in here tend to lie. And not just a little either. Sadly, most prisoners lie a lot and about everything too.

Not me, though.

I’m not like most guys in here.

Wait a minutes, is THAT a lie?

I think “I’m not like most guys in here” might actually be the number one lie told here in prison.

But my case is at least a little different.

In my case, I’m really not like a lot of these guys here.

Why?

Because I have no problem being a realist and also admitting the fact that I never really had shit out there in the free world. A lot of guys in here can’t or won’t do that in here.

I mean, it is probably a safe assumption to say I’m probably living better in prison then I probably ever really lived out there in the free world.

Okay. I’ll admit it. That last one there might be a bit of a lie.

But you see, most prisoners are not like me in that regard. Most cannot be real with themselves or anyone else for that matter. So it is because of that they concoct these fantasy land stories about things they might have had or still have out there in free society.

These guys might lie about cars they have had, or women, or drugs…

Mostly, though. They lie about money. Mainly, they lie about how much they have like it is stashed away in some offshore account in some movie.

Actually, a lot of guys here try to act like their life has been like a movie.

Have you ever seen Scarface a guy might ask?”Yeah, that is the type of drug dealer I was.”

No dude…

You probably DID drugs like Scarface.

Except X1000.

Why these guys lie so much baffles me when I guess really it shouldn’t. I mean, I cannot understand why people cannot be real. And have to put on a front like they are someone else entirely. But I guess the only reason that baffles me is because that is something I try very hard not to do myself.

But why anyone lies about anything should be pretty easy to understand right?

The way I see it, it’s because they want whatever they are lying about to sound better than whatever the truth is.

Whether that be something as minor as asking or not if they brushed their teeth today… (I know that sounds like a question better suited for a child. But you really could ask a lot of grown men in prison that exact question, too. And once you have had the displeasure of smelling the horrendous breath of some of these grown men here in prison you might wonder if this isn’t instead a major thing.)

So whether it be something as minor as that or something major like asking someone “What are you locked up for?” To which a liar might respond “Oh, me…I got caught with a 747 jumbo jet full of cocaine. When in all actuality they have some horrible sexual based charges. That if they were ever found out they would then be extorted for every last worldly prisoner possession they might have…

The fact of the matter is guys in prison just lie- A LOT.

They do so in an effort in order to impress other prisoners and bolster their social prison status.

Oh, and by the way…

Real quick and back to how I said I am not like most of these guys here….

Well, see, I don’t have to lie in an order to try and impress other prisoners or to try and improve my social prison status.

For some strange reason, I am fucking awesome and everyone likes me.

Still, what’s worse than the lies that prisoners tell…?

Well, the prisoners who sit around and believe these unbelievable lies.

I mean, what is worse than finding out someone lies to you?

In my opinion it is listening to someone tell you something

I mean, what is worse than finding out someone lies to you?

In my opinion it is listening to someone tell you something you just KNOW is a lie and believe me, some shit you hear guys say in prison will really make you shake your head.

Like this one time…

A complete waste of life, a guy who probably wasn’t even competent enough to ride a bicycle tried to convince me that he had his very own helicopter pilot’s license.

“Are you kidding me?” I responded aspirated.

“Does it look like I have complete moron written across my forehead” I asked him.

“Why am I even entertaining this conversation with you” I asked myself rather than more to him.

Over the next few days I am going to tell you about the lies these prisoners have told me.

I’m going to tell you some of the most outrageous lies I have heard throughout this time I have been incarcerated.

I’m going to post the top 10 things guys in prison lie about.

Also the top 10 things women lie about to guys IN prison.

Then, finally, I will wrap all of this up with a nice twist…

Something to do with the guys who aren’t lying when they speak about how BIG they have “done it” in their lives. Guys who don’t even have to talk about it because everyone else is talking about it.

I’ve got a real treat in store for this particular post. But you will just have to wait and see what that is all about.

With all of that being said, I hope this will be that one time where you are not enraged-but instead, entertained-by a bunch of lies.

My buddy has been reading this book “The lies my teacher told me”, which I have no idea what it’s about.

Had I thought better about it, I would have asked him.

But, really, it doesn’t matter what it’s about.

I only mention it because the title gave me an idea for what I am calling the next post that will début later this evening…

It’s called “The lies these prisoners told me…”

Check back later for that because it is sure to entertain.

My very first piece of fan mail

Not long ago, I received a letter from a name I didn’t recognize. The letter was post marked from a place I had never received mail from before, and for a brief moment, I was confused about who this was who had written to me.

But, then, and just as quickly, it registered…

This had to be someone writing to me because of my blog.

Just recently I had posted my address on the blog, hoping for exactly this sort of thing to happen.  And sure enough, I knew I had just received my very first piece of fan mail.

A fan of something I had created…

And not just anything I had created either.

But something I had created while locked up in prison.

This was a HUGE moment for me.

I mean, here was this complete stranger who not only took the time to write me, he also took the time to tell me how great he thought Joewriteshiswrongs was and even provided me with some helpful information on how to further what I am trying to do.

This is exactly the sort of thing I had hoped to come from me posting my physical address.

With so much that I have been attempting to do here on Joewriteshiswrongs the two biggest things by far have been to

  1. Show the world that not all who are incarcerated are beyond hope or repair. Some actually do want to create something better for them…even if it takes those “like myself” quite a while to make that happen. And
  2. To entertain all of you through the stories, cartoons, and other stuff that provides more depth to what life is like in prison as well as what life is like FOR a guy in prison who is trying for once to do something positive with himself.

It was getting a letter from a complete stranger who spoke so highly of all I am attempting to do here that made all the hard work just that much more worth it.

What might have seemed a small gesture to the other person was monumental to me.

Thanks a lot E.W.T…

Your words really hit home for me.

If anyone else wants to write me personally, maybe to provide a little encouragement, or maybe to tell me what you like or don’t like here on Joewriteshiswrongs…

Feel free to do so.

Mail is a great thing for a guy locked up.

Fan mail is even better.

If you would like to write me here again is my address.

Joseph P. Guerrero 1195944

I.C.C.C.

P.O. Box 16481

Chesapeake, VA 23328

Music and Me

I mentioned a few different times here how important music is to me and how I am also a rapper…

Yet, I never really have gotten to deep into either of those things.

Well, let me tell you a little about me and music.

Music has always been a big part of my life.

At 13 I started playing guitar that was something I became very passionate about.

By 17, I had a horrible band.

We sucked SO bad!

But the point here is music…

Super important to me…

And! I had a band.

Hey! It doesn’t matter if we were good or not!

By 18, my life reached this sort of tippy point.

Hey “The tipping point!”

That is actually the name of a story I had published in a book!

Don’t know what I am talking about…

Well, then. Check out here for the story and here for the cartoon that went with the story.

Sorry.

I was trying to be clever with all of that.

Anyways.

By 18, I started getting in tons of trouble and started going to jail a LOT.

My whole “having a band and playing guitar dreams” sort of started to die at that point.  But music was still super important to me and I didn’t want to let go of that.

So while in jail and at 18 years old I started rapping.

I started writing raps…

Raps about my life…

And how much it sucked.

Real shit that I was going through and that others could relate to as well. And it was like…

Poof!

Walla, magic!

I found this new way to express myself through music and it was something I became super passionate about.

Want to read the first rap that I ever wrote?

Yup, I still remember it to this day.

Have you ever heard the song “Stan” by Eminem?

Well, what I wrote was inspired by that…

You know, how Stan was written in like letter fashion to someone.

That’s how I did mine.

It was written about this chick who broke my heart at 18 while I was still locked up.

I actually haven’t even spoken to this chick since then.

Still, though.

I will leave her name out of this. You know, that way she can’t sue me if I ever do become rich and famous.

So for the sake of this story, we will just call her instead someone who means absolutely nothing to me at all.

I swear…

We will just call her Kristen Crowley.

So here is the first rap I ever wrote…

Dear Kristen Crowley…

Well I don’t know why I love you, cuz you cause me so much pain/

It’s like I’m losing my mind, I think I am going insane/

I try to maintain, but that seems impossible/

I can’t control these feelings, the pains unstoppable/

And I don’t know why I write you, cause you never write me back/

I tried to call you but that numbers blocked, what’s up with that/

Lately I have been stressing and had a panic attack/

I just want to know how you’re doing, is that too much to ask/

Well you know I really love you, and I probably will forever/

I remember you use to tell me, that we’d always be together/

Well I hope you read this letter, and I hope that you’re okay/

I really need to hear from you, this is Jay…

Tada that’s it…

So, what do you think?

Yeah…?

No..?

Hey it’s ok if you think it sucks. It was my first attempt at rap, it was written a long time ago.

I think I have come a long was since then too.

Now days, when I write, I try to leave an impact crater like a métier strike. On the planet when I let people know what I have to say.

Hopefully I have a similar kind of impact on you as I start incorporating more of my raps here on Joewroteshiswrongs.

From 18 till just recently, the only way I have been able to express myself musically is through rap.

As far as the little bit of my adult life that hasn’t been spent locked up goes- and me perusing anything with my music during THAT time…

I really haven’t done too much.

I mean, I have tried to be serious about a music career, but I just never lasted long enough in the free world to do much with that at all.

I can remember checking out different Myspace pages of people who made beats that I liked at the time and trying to put together songs off of the samples they offered.

I even remember getting on stage during Karaoke one night at the bar and rapping something I wrote to a 2Pac beat.

Other than that, I haven’t done much at all. Until recently, that is…

Maybe within the last year throughout while I have been at this prison, I have been playing around with the band.

Oh by the way…

This prison sucks. But one of the few good things they do have here is a ton of band equipment. And my mural painting job gives me all the perks and benefits of being able to do pretty much whatever the hell I want around here.

Plus, my boss is in charge of all of the band stuff…

Plus, all the band members are friends of mine…

So, it is because of all of this I have been playing guitar again for about the last year.

And what is better than an awesome guy like myself who can rap?

Well, an awesome guy like myself who can rap and also play the guitar at the same time!

So, that is what I have been doing…

Rapping while playing guitar and making up songs about any and everything usually just stupid shit, to make people laugh. But I have also been putting some of my real raps to a guitar melody as well.

So, who knows what the future holds for me musically….

Maybe something.

Maybe nothing.

Whatever the case, I love music.

But I also love a lot of other stuff to…

Like Kristen Crawly.

Don’t have any idea what I am talking about there…?

Well then check out “Eat it or starve”.

Two Cheating Hearts

Two friends of mine in two different places in life, both just found out their girlfriends were cheating on them.

One had been released from prison about a year ago and the other goes home in less than 30 days.

It seemed like on the exact same day both of these guys found out their girlfriends had been cheating on them.

I feel horrible for both of them.

First, my friend who was released a year ago, I actually aspired to have something like what he had.

He had came home from prison, got his shit together, and got his life on track with his girlfriend.

In my eyes I thought this guy had a great life. Yet, it obviously wasn’t as great as it seemed if his girlfriend cheated on him.

All I could think was this could really be one of those things in life where guys like us who just recently came home after incarceration could get tripped up and do something stupid that could cause us to get locked up again.

Sadly, I haven’t had a chance to talk to this friend since I heard about this on Facebook.

I have tried to call him but he hasn’t answered.

I know he is going through some tough times and I can only hope he keeps his head on straight as he deals with this situation.

As for the other friend…

Well he is in here with me with less than 30 days before he is released.

His situation is a little different to cause his girlfriend is a stripper.

There is certain risks that come from having a girlfriend in that kind of work. Especially while you are locked up.

One of those risks is that a girlfriend who strips could also start escorting…

And that is exactly what happen in my friends case.

So not only has she been cheating on him but she has also been prostituting also.

Personally, to me, this isn’t that big of a thing. I mean the whole “prostitution” thing…

What is so wrong with that?

Hell, one of my good friends out there who is a chick just recently told me she is a prostitute. (Another story for another time.)

Still…Want to know what my reaction was?

“Awesome!”

“Hey, can you send me some money?”

I mean, what’s the big deal?

Plus, why would you ever give year heart to a chick who strips if you were not fully prepared to handle all that could potentially come from a situation like that.

You know like her having sex with other guys for money?

It’s obvious that my friend hadn’t prepared himself for anything like that.

He has been a total wreck since learning about all of this. And all I can think is “Jesus.”

This guy has less than 30 days before he goes home.

The last thing he needs right now is that sort of drama…

Or to feel like his whole world is coming unhinged.

He is getting ready to go home for god sakes!

He should be happy.

Not stressed out and thinking a bunch of crazy shit.

It’s crazy to.

I mean, I genuinely see how miserable this situation makes this friend of mine. Yet, he still continues to be in a relationship with this chick.

When I wonder why, two things come to mind…

  1. Some people are just scared to be alone.
  2. Some people love drama.

His life, though.

And really, it is none of my concern except when he is in all but tears cause of this chick and trying to talk to me about it.

I got to be honest though. I really don’t care about any of the drama he is dealing with. I just hope he gets out there and gets his shit together.

Maybe you think some of what I say sounds cold. But the truth is I have been in a relationship exactly like this before.

Well, maybe not exactly. I mean, my girlfriend at the time wasn’t a whore charging slut bucket.

She was just the whole “whore-slut bucket”.

Still, she put me through a world of shit the same.

So I know how situations like this one end…

Not good at all.

They are sorta like doomed before they even really get a chance to start.

Unfortunately, for some people, like in my case, it takes a endless amount of foolish shit to happen before we realize that sort of relationship isn’t one that we want or need to be in.

Readers Digest

I just submitted a few awesome cartoons to an even more awesome publication…

Readers Digest!

So my question to all of you…

If my cartoons were selected to be featured would you check out Readers Digest?

Take the poll and let me know.

Thanks!