I hate Christmas….

I think Christmas is the hardest of all holidays to try and keep it together while in prison. If one can handle the sorrow of being away from loved ones, or not having loved ones, or feelings of absolute loneliness, then that, at least, is half the battle. The other half of that battle comes from everything else one must endure on Christmas while locked up.

First are the asshole CO’s who act extra shitty maybe because their mad they have to work the holiday. Or the most likely case…

Their just miserable in their own lives!

Forget the fact that we’re the ones locked up. Many like me who have been locked up for years!

It seems the highlights of these asshole CO’s is to try and effect others, especially prisoners, with their misery.

Trying to avoid these miserable bastards and not be effected by their bullshit is a major uphill battle seeing as they tend to pull out all the punches in an effort to make the holidays even harder than they already are.

Next, and just as bad are the other prisoners, Ones who might be having a tougher time than most with the holidays.

I hate these guys.

I personally don’t care about whatever it is you’re going through dude.

Want to know why?

Because everyone here in prison has their own little war, within them to contend with on Christmas.

The objective is just to get through it.

Tomorrow is another day.

Plus, you’re probably just a fucking scumbag in life like me anyways!

I mean your right here in prison with me. Aren’t you?

Suck it up pussy.

Hey my family fucking hates me! Bet your situation isn’t that bad is it? Does yours hate you? Has your mother not spoken to you in over 8 ½ years because she hates you? Has everyone in your family cast you out like a castaway because you have never amounted to shit like mine has…?

You don’t see me crying about it do you?

Oh wait….

That’s exactly what I am doing right now.

Jesus.

I fucking hate Christmas.

You know I sit here and make jokes about a lot of serious shit but you know why I do that, right?

It’s because I just can’t handle the reality of shit no other way unless I did try to throw a little humor in the mix.

I laugh at a lot of fucked up shit…

Probably part of the reason why my humor is so fucked up!

So even though my life in most regards is terribly fucked up or sad, don’t feel sorry for me.

Laugh about it.

Because that’s what I do. And yes maybe that DOES mean I am crazy.

But I don’t think there is any other way I could get through all these hard times if it weren’t for being able to laugh at just how fucked up it all is.

And with my life being as fucked up as it is which is why I can feel zero pity for the next man.

Especially, the next man, who just wants to wallow in his self pity and do nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly wallow in my own self pity. But I’m certainly not sitting here doing nothing.

Why?

Because nothing changes if nothing changes…

A little motto I live by.

And “never settle for less.” That’s what’s tatted across my chest with two big ass diamonds on each side. To remind myself that every time I look in the mirror that success is what I’m really after.

Christmas is just another obstacle I must conquer in pursuit of that.

Christmas in prison sucks.

But you want to know what I do on Christmas?

Well besides wallowing in my own self pity, feeling sorry for myself, and drowning in my feelings, I work hard. Like any and every other day. Because nothing, is going to stand in the way of me trying to get where I want to be.

To all of you out there who can and who care…enjoy Christmas.

Thanks for letting me share. 🙂

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