Before there was Kenny…There was the Watermen

Before Kenny moved into the bunk above mine, there was a guy everyone called “Watermen” who lived there. Because he resided on the bunk above mine, he had to share the living space with me and Meeko. Meeko and I run a pretty tight shift when it comes to running our living area. And for a guy everyone refereed to the “Watermen” his sea legs were a little wobbly when it came to rolling with the tide.

The analogy I am trying to make here is that the Watermen just wasn’t a good fit around us. Me and Meeko liked to laugh and joke and yes, sadly, we do this a lot of times at the expense of others.

The Watermen was not in ship shape for our level of humor and a lot of times, he was used in which our vessel was set adrift.

Okay… enough with the notable shit.

A lot of times me and Meeko would laugh and joke completely at the expense of the watermen. Over the course of a few blogs to come I’ll share with you some great examples of this.  Some of which you might even think are absolutely horrible.

Here is one to start with…

 One time we moved the Watermen’s mat with his sheets and pillow still intact and put them in a empty bunk. We did this while he had his back to us. I mean he was right there the entire time, except he wasn’t paying any attention because he was talking to someone.

Oh, and by the way when this guy gets to talking, he talks… and then he never shuts the fuck up. And when he talks, all he talks about is how much money he has, how rich he is, and most importantly his “dad”.

This guy is 46 years old and talks more about his dad then a proud 6 year old. And for the love of God… don’t ever ever ever get him started on fishing!! You will literally age a life time before the conversation is over.

It is safe to say that the Watermen is the most annoying guy in my housing unit. So you see, you can’t feel sorry for him or even bad for that matter. Because he does all of this to himself.

He has entitlement issues and major negative self habit. This guy seriously needs to take a look in the mirror of truth…

Sorry…the programming I am entitled to do at this prison just showed through a little there.

But back now to the time when we moved the Watermen’s mat…so we moved the mat with all the fixings at about 11pm one night, and his back was to us the entire time. Then Meeko jumped back in his bunk and I in mine only to lay with our heads under our respected blanket snickering like little school children.

When the Watermen finally got done talking to whoever it was he has been talking to death to, he turned back around and saw that his bed was gone.

He was dumbfounded.

We told him we thought someone might have put it in the shower… you know… cause this guy is completely disgusting and all. And has the hygiene of a wild boar.

Personally, I have no idea what the hygiene habits of a wild boar are…but I imagine they are a far cry from cleanliness.

After a good 10 minutes of dumb-founding-ness, we finally told the Watermen that his mat was on an empty bunk. Oh, and guess where the empty bunk was? It was like two bunks away from his bunk.  Right there in plain sight the entire time.

I’m sure this sounds cruel and mean. But come on! This guy deserves what he gets. He tends to treat people like they are beneath him and like he is so high and mighty compared to everyone else.

It is the rightful duty of Meeko and I and the rest of the housing unit for that matter, and possibly most others that Watermen comes in contact with outside of the housing unit, to bring this guy back down to a level playing field, to reality.

To better understand this guy, imagine this… He sort of reminds you of Adam Sandler in the “Waterboy”, only far more annoying and obnoxious. Not to mention he has the demeanor of any serial killer from any long list of Lifetime movies you could have ever seen.

When he used to reside in the bunk above mine, I would often have to move my TV antenna because his TV would always screw up the signal on mine. (Yes, we are aloud personal TVs here at the prison). But while moving my antenna, I would notice how he would often be watching Law and Order SVU.

I remember one such time I said “dude all your missing in a panel van and a chloroform rag, you creep!”

With the cartoon included with this, you can almost picture me saying that.

There is a lot more to come about the Watermen… More crazy stories of this crazy character like what happen to him on New Year’s Eve, so be on the lookout for those.

Also characters caricatured is soon to be a part of Joewriteshiswrongs again… Maybe I will be able to do one of this barbaric character.

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