If you are ever as unfortunate as I, and have the opportunity to spend some time in prison, might I recommend the “prison rape video” that new prisoners are required to view.
When I first arrived at prison, I, like so many others, was forced to watch this video.
This is the craziest fucking video I have ever seen.
It is sad on many different levels and also disturbing.
Yet, ironically, it is “falling out of your seat” –hilarious!
The video starts out with this over abundance of Caucasian pitifulness- this pathetic looking white guy, who stares right into the camera and says “I was raped in prison.”
Yes! I found myself thinking.
Get the popcorn; is this a new release comedy?
Where is this Ben Stiller?
Where is Will Farrell?
But no. This was not attending to be amusing. Though, it was to me and to everyone else who had a set of balls and would “die before allowing themselves to be victimized.”
What was even funnier than a bunch of prisoners rolling around in tears, because they were laughing so hard at the absurdity?
Well that would be the one little white guy sitting in his chair watching his video with both hands at either side clutched to the bottom of his seat for dear life in a white knuckled manor.
As this video plays on there are reenactments of different scenarios the most infinitely of these reenactments is the one about a candy bar on some poor bastards pillow.
For those of you, who don’t know, please allow me to explain this little urban legend of the prison world.
It is said that a candy bar left on a pillow symbolized that another prisoner would like to have sex with whoever’s pillow he leaves the candy bar on.
If the candy bar is eaten, then the only way to repay this gesture is through….
Well you get the point.
Prison rape video actually shows the scenario where a candy bars left on someone’s pillow. The prisoner sees the candy bar, and in sort of like this dark moment of the films solution is he comes up with is to take the candy bar out into the cell block so that he can announce to the other prisoners “hey a…”
“Whoever left this candy bar on my pillow, thanks but no thanks…I don’t even like chocolate.”
He then gently places the candy bar on the ground.
Whether this ever use to happen for real, I’m not sure. Meaning the whole candy bar thing. I know the prison rape thing was a big issue back in the day.
Now days, not so much!
There are just too many naturally gay guys.
But, thanks to that video, it gave us prisoners a whole new outlook on candy bars. Plus, it made all of their mottos sound so much more sinister…