The prison dentist fiasco

I’ve got a confession to make…this is not easy for me to say either.

But here it goes.

When it comes to going to see the dentist, I am a GIANT pussy.

I’m sorry, but it is so true. I’ve had some horrible, HORRIBLE encounters with the dentist in the past. It almost makes me shutter just thinking about it.

But I don’t REALLY shutter.

Shuttering is something pussies do. And though I am no Hercules by any real stretch of the imagination, I don’t really consider myself THAT much of a pussy.

Except when it comes to the dentist!

Especially, the PRISON dentist!

Last week, it was for me “whom the bell tolls” as I was called to go see the prison dentist.

It was about 4:30 in the afternoon on this day, and I was told by the CO I had to go to “medical”.

“OK”, I thought.

I’m only called over to medical for one reason and one reason only so I figured it was just more of the same…

Another piss test.

I hurried over to medical and when I got there, I noticed the lobby wasn’t really set up the way it usual is when they are administering little cock watching sessions.

Still, I got ready anyways. I warmed up with a little pregame ritual.

A couple of pushups…followed by me dancing around the lobby area shadow boxing like a fighter about to enter the ring.

OK, well not really.

But still, there is a good amount of mental preparation that has to be done before standing in front of another grown man as he watches you piss!

Finally, I told the CO I was ready.

He asked what I was ready for. “The piss test”, I said.  “Duh”.  

He then told me that wasn’t why I was called over to medical.

“You are seeing the dentist.” He said

Holy shit, I thought. It had been forever ago since I had put in to see the dentist. Now after all this time and what had just been a bad cavity and is now so much worse of a crater sized hole in my mouth I was here to finally see the dentist!

I was called back pretty quickly actually.  I guess they figured they had already made me wait an eternity just to see the dentist in the first place. So why make me wait any longer, right?

Oh yeah, plus they got off work at 6pm and it was now like 5pm.

In the back, the dental team consisted of 3 parties, one dentist and two assistances. These caricatures would have been great for a comic strip I thought. The dentist was a guy, and one of the assistances was too. They were both clearly gay. I mean no fucking around. The dentist looked like he should be wearing a tutu the way he danced and pranced around. And his male assistant was no better.

As somewhat of an alpha male myself, kinda… I have no knowledge of gay guy mannerism. But if I was to take a disgusting guess, I’d say both of these gay guys looked like they might play the “chick” roll.

The other assistant was a real chick.

Too much of a chick actually.

Some other guy who was also there to see the dentist made a really funny observation.

“That chicks ass looks like two 55 gallon drums.” He said.

I concur.

I sat in the chair waiting to be seen by the dentist.  As I did “55 gallon drum ass” informed me that I was here because of a request I had put in back in May…

It’s almost May again.

I put the request to be seen by the dentist in about 10 months ago.

Geez. Thank God it wasn’t a really emergency, right?


After what seemed to be quite a bit of fucking awe and doing nothing the dentist fairy danced his way over to where I was.

He then began the fastest most painful drill and fill job I ever had to go through.

I was damn near shaking and in tears before it was over with.

This is probably the worst euphemism I have ever come up with.  But when he was finished, I sorta felt like he had raped my mouth.


I am such a pussy.

Surprisingly, in the dates that have followed since all that, I have experienced even more pain with my teeth.

Go figure, right?

The medical/dental departments of correctional facilities are kinda like going to prison in the first place…

Go in for one problem, and leave out with a whole list of others. 


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