A Brain Tumor Test…Incarcerated

Back when I was at “the jail,” before I was transferred to prison, I used to get a lot of really bad headaches.

I always had to sign up for “medical” just to get some Tylenol because of this.

The headaches got so bad that another prisoner suggested that I might have a brain tumor. I laughed when I first heard this. But it didn’t take long before my concerns started to grow over this possibility. They grew probably just as the abnormality inside of my brain continued to do.

Thoughts of this plagued me and my mind wrecked havoc on me constantly.

“What is that?” I would question while looking in the mirror. “Is that a lump growing out from the side of my head?”

It didn’t take long before I put in another “request” to go see someone in the medical department. Preferably a doctor and not some quick job nurse of questionable credentials who uses Tylenol as a solve-all like a redneck uses duck tape.

No offense to anyone in the medical field, or to any rednecks for that matter. But c’mon the medical department in most jails and prisons I’ve dealt with is CERTAINLY nothing to be envied.

It took about a week, and then finally I was called to see the doctor.

This guy was either an absolute “nut job” or a fucking pioneering genius in the medical field.

“So” He said.  “You think it’s a brain tumor you’re suffering from?”

“Let’s run a test and see for sure.”

I looked around to see where it was they kept the CAT scan machine or any other equipment that might be able to do the test for something serious as a brain tumor. But I found nothing that I thought could be used for such thing.

What happened next can only further why my feelings are as they are towards correctional facility medical departments.

With no machine or medical equipment needed, the doctor simply put 4 fingers on the left side of my forehead and tapped them gently with his other hand.

Then he did the same thing in the middle of my forehead.

“Does that hurt?” He asked.

“Ummm, no.” I responded.

“Then you’re good.” He concluded. You don’t have a brain tumor!”

Oh my God.

I’m probably going to die in this place.

Since all of this, which happened about 5 years ago, around the beginning of my incarceration, I still get a lot of headaches.

The best I can guess, they’re tension headaches.

This is an overtly stressful environment. Plus add how I’m always trying to do so much on a daily basis.

I guess that could really be the reason I get so many headaches…right?

If not, then it probably is a fuckin’ brain tumor.



9 thoughts on “A Brain Tumor Test…Incarcerated

  1. I found this extra hilarious because my fiancee DOES have Brain Cancer. He had a tumor removed and some of the tests they do aren’t far off from that! Yeah yeah , he had scans and stuff but they do all sorts of visuals tests that just left us in the doctors office saying WTF …it was like a child playing doctor. They did all types of cognitive tests and asked him a million questions and if he answered wrong they were all like OMG you have brain damage… no not everyone goes around hoarding jeopardy trivia.

    In your situation i think tension headaches are highly the culprit.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This was really funny in a rather macabre way. I vote for tension head ache as well. Have you ever tried doing progressive relaxation or consciously tried to breathe out and let your tension go out with the breath? It sucks you don’t have access to massage therapy or real doctors. A good therapeutic neck and shoulder massage would probably do you wonders. I love treating tension headaches because there is so much a therapist can do to help ease the clients pain.

    I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how much more time do you have to go?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s great you have a sense of humor about these things. Really is necessary to survive. My sense of humor and the humor of my friends got us through our times in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    Liked by 1 person

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