“Chair Sex”

“You have to tell the story about chair sex!” Shep said to me the other day.

I knew he was right too. I mean the “chair sex” story was a great one.

Coincidentally, around the same time I thought about writing this story, one of the guys who starred in all of this came up to me and said “Dude, you haven’t “blasted” me in any of your stories, yet, have you?”

“No.” I said.

“Cool.” He said.

“But I am about to tell the chair sex story.” I said.

He BEGGED me NOT to tell this story…

Well, I’m telling this story.

First a little needed information.

The prison I’m at is considered a “therapeutic community,” it’ for guys with drug and behavioral problems.

At a “T.C.” program as it’s often referred to as, we “group” from 7:30am-4:00pm. The “groups” and the program are run by counselors.

The counselors are separate from the correctional staff, and together they don’t “jell” well at all.

“T.C.” should stand for “total chaos” or maybe “torture camp” but certainly not therapeutic community. The only kind of therapy this place offers is the “hellacious” kind that could easily fit into a category along with “electric shock treatment” and maybe “waterboarding.”

Seriously, the shit you’re forced to deal with her could leave guys with “PTSD.”

Before I get too carried away, let’s move on.

I mention all of this because it’s a counselor that is important in this story.

The counselors here come from all walks of life. But a good majority of them tend to be young, attractive chicks that seem to be fresh out of college.

Oh, what a conundrum this leaves us guys here with.

What makes this place suck?

The counselors!

What makes this place moderately tolerable, even enough to sit through “HOURS” of mind numbing group about TOTAL BULLSHIT!?!

You guessed it…

The counselors!

Some guys just can’t handle the whole “being around chicks” thing, though.

I mean, they REALLY get “out there” behind these women.

They fall in love.

They think these counselor chicks love them.

I tend to think of few of these guys are a “cunt-hair” away from being sex offender status.

It gets that bad.

Chair sex is a horribly-great example of just that.

Let’s begin.

We used to have a counselor we’ll call her “hot chick” she was pretty attractive. Guys used to get seriously fucked up behind this chick, too.

Well, one day we had a group that took place in a building we would sometimes go to for smaller, more personal groups. These small groups only had about 10 people in them compared to the usual 80+ people.

But the building where these smaller groups usually took place was notoriously known for its outrageous climates. In the winter it would be freezing and in the summer it would be scorching.

One day during one of these smaller groups in this building, it was incredibly hot. So imagine 10 or 11 people sitting in a circle with “hot chick” in some small room where the temperature was set on “hell blast.”

Everyone was miserable.

Everyone was complaining.

Even “hot chick” couldn’t take it. She got up and went to see if the guys could go back to the housing unit because the conditions were unbearable.

That’s when it happened…

With everyone else still sitting in the room and hot chicks chair empty, someone grabbed her chair, stuck it in their face, and began SNIFFING it.

Yes folks…he sniffed it.

Another guy saw what the first guy had done and instead of saying “Oh My God! What the hell is wrong with you!?!” He said “Hey! Let me sniff it too!”

The first guy gave the chair to the second guy and he sniffed it so hard you might have thought he was trying to sniff the color off the damn thing.

My buddy Meeko watched all of this play out in total disbelief.

“You guys are TOTAL purv’s!” He said.

“No.” Second guy said. “If I was a purv, I would be doing this.”

Second guy then proceeded to lean over and “air jack” to the chair like an Indian engaged in some dance of worship. As he did this, he continued to sniff the chair like a dog on a hot trail.

The timing could not have been better.

Just as the second guy was in mid stroke of his imitation masturbation sniffing ritual, hot chick walked in the door.

Her eyes damn near bulged out of her head like in a cartoon.

She never said a word. She didn’t have to neither.

Her face said it all.

She had just been ruined a little by this place and by the pitiful desperation of some of the guys here.

I swear…I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to hear the dinner conversation at her house that night.


Special shout out to the folks checking this out from Voat.co and Reddit.com . If you like this story, let me know. Also check out my YouTube channel titled The After Prison Show..! Heres a link to my latest video “Making the Most of A Crappy Construction Job…” Check it out..! Also I’m shooting a NEW VIDEO today..! Share my videos and get a special shout out BY NAME in a video… OR.. You can even REQUEST an IDEA for a video..!


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